Guys, I'm very serious about touring from Boston to LA, for a lot of reasons, but I honestly don't think I'm strong enough or independent enough. I mean, that's the whole reason I wanted to do it. Become strong. Become dependent. I wanted to actually become someone, and not just another name on a gravestone. I wanted to raise money for the Boys and Girls Club. I wanted to win back my girlfriend. But I bought a map of the US a few days ago, opened it up, and almost crapped my pants. The states are so big. It really made me feel small and it made me really realize how big of an idea it was. The more and more I think about it, the more and more I plan about it... the less real my ideas become. And I get angry because I know that I can't do it.
Sadly, I realize I can't do this alone. I have a huge anxiety of the dark- ghosts, witches, aliens, murders- seriously all that stuff scares the shit out of me. (These are the things people don't know about.) On top of all of this, my parents would be extremely upset, because instead of getting intership experience, I would be riding alone across the country. I already know they wouldn't take me seriously at first, and once they did, they'd get very upset and angry, because they'd say "that's really stupid. You'll get hurt." They paid for my college and a lot of other things, so me doing this would be an real insult to them. So not only am I afraid of the dark and public bathrooms, I'm revolting against my family. Plus- I really don't know how comfortable I'll be when I'm on a tight shoulder. But I kind of expected that.
Did anyone else have these feelings before a long tour? God I want this so much. When I first thought of it ( and the idea randomly came into my life) it felt so right. I never was so clear about anything in my life.
If your still reading this. Please help me.
I'm 22 years old. I know if I did this- it would change me. Period. How the hell do I do it?
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